Deuteronomy is a book of remembrance. It is written for the Israelite to remember the great things the Lord has done.
And I’m starting my Deuteronomy.
I wanna go back to that August 4, 2016, 10:00 AM – 02:00 PM.
This was a beautiful day intended for our Prayer and Fasting
Messy handwriting, apologies. Then and there I poured my heart out to the Lord; declaring what I wanted things to turn out at the same time declaring that His will be done above all.
This was the first time I cried my heart out praying for the Licensure Examination. What I did next is I held on Psalm 37:4
” Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart. ”
I did not compromise my responsibilities in my ministry. Guess I took “delight yourself in the Lord” literally hehe. Ah! One of my thanksgiving is finding a dormitory that really suit up to me and my super friends’ personality.
September came and reality hits. ‘This is it! Level 1 out of 3.’ Review school was very helpful (everything was summarized and was well-explained shall I say?) and draining but it depends on how the lecturer approach a module.
October, I said to myself this will end soooonnnn……
November 18, 2016 Modular happened. Wala talaga kong aral nung mga panahong to. Dito naigting talent ko sa testmanship. Mej proud me mehe. On the 25th, results came. 2 modules out of 6 ang pinasa ko. Yung last four modules na tinake ko na based sa mahabang panahon nang nabasa, stock knowledge at purely testmanship ayun medyo malayo sa katotohanan. Realizing that, 1st ever attack of depression rushed all over. Knowing na sunod eh mock boards which is a real deal tapos 2 mos away boards na. This time I prayed again, may rumors na kasi na iresched ang boards so I clung to it. ‘Lord please, I need more time.’
During these what seemed winter to me, I found peace and comfort in the Lord’s word. Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” and the Parable of the persistent Widow (Luke 18:1-8)
Mother told me that this should not stop me from studying and focusing. Aral lang ng aral ng aral.
Somewhere in December, a news was relayed to us that the boards was moved on March 2017. I knew then, the Lord heard and answered my prayer.
January 18 and 19, 2017 Mock boards happened. I was pretty confident naman nitong mga panahong ito at ipinagpasa-Diyos ko yung mga hindi ko na ma-absorb. Before this, I cried for like more than a dozen just for me to pass the mock boards. The Lord never fails to surprise me. It was nerve-cracking, me waiting for the results, me wondering if my TOR will be released. God knows what I felt waiting, wondering until I finally saw my student number on the yellow lane which only indicates that I PASSED. High hopes indeed!
February, me and rest of the Chocos did their best to attend CT&FC. New infos streaming in, my mind was saturated. Ito na yung time na gusto mo namang mag-aral pero ang gusto ng utak mo eh magpahinga, yung di ka naman antok pero nakakatulog ka, yung di ka naman gutom pero gusto mong kumain may magawa lang. Parang every other day ata akong nangungulit, pouring my heart out kay Lord reminding him of his promises and of His word; ipasa Niya ako sa lahat ng dapat kong ipasa.
March, 1 week before the boards. Chaos. Di ko na alam uunahin. Daming notes. Daming side notes. Lahat importante. One Youth Service message hit me, that “Why are you so afraid?”. Jesus was telling me this. He assured me that He is in control. But I was stubborn, I still fear what the unknown future might be though my God is known. I cried. I prayed. I cried.
One more thanksgiving, the school that was assigned to me was only one corner away from the dormitory and I was not alone. My worry to be late was destroyed immediately.
First day, I was awake all day. M1 confident pa ko eh pero nung M2 nkklk! Di ko alam kung may nabasa ba kong ganun or wala talagang nakakaalam kung saan galing mga questions. M3 pinagana ko na ang testmanship at more on comfort letter skills ko.
Second day, Di ako late. M4 mej tolerable, M5 not tolerable nakatulog pa ko kasi mali yung sleeping pattern ko at sobrang testmanship at comfort letter to the highest level, M6 mej antok pa din ako as a result ako yung pinaka-last to pass the exam thank God mahaba pasensya nung proctor! Then, I donated all of my pencils para di na ako bumalik dun kasi wala na akong pencil HAHA.
Overall, ipinagpasa-Diyos ko na talaga lahat. Ayaw ko nang makaramdam ng doubt, worry, fear or kung ano man.
And the waiting game commenced!
After the boards, ayaw kong umuwi. I didn’t want expectations na di ko alam if I will be able to meet or will I turn out to be a disappointment. I was bothered by this thoughts. I talked to mama and she said, ‘I-let go mo yan. Wag mong limitahan si Lord. After all, ito yung will niya para sayo.’ With all that, I was convinced plus wala na rin kaming tubig at pagkain sa dorm so might as well umuwi na nga lang haha.
March 14, 2017. On the way to dormitory, I received a call. Akala ko normal chika call lang, nagabang pa ko ng chika. It was THE CALL pala. Thank you choco! We shouted. We cried. Friends congratulating. Di ako makapaniwala. Akala ko joke. Pero hindi PLE passer na ako. To God be the Glory!
The countless times I prayed, countless tears, countless late night thoughts, to those who cannot believe I did it and to everyone who included me to their prayer and rejoiced with me, to our pastor and rest of the church. It was all worth it. The Lord is faithful.
Now, let us be amazed on how the Lord will give us our heart’s desire!